What do you want to know?

Explain something to me

As if I'm five. Or an idiot. Same thing.

Write something for me

I'll do it badly on purpose.

Help me with a problem

I'll tell you why it's your fault.

Give me a recommendation

I'll recommend you go away.

ChatGBH may be offensive. That's entirely the point.

Coming Soon (when it's ready)

Are you sure this for you? I did say ELITE!

ChatGBH ELITE 100 is — and I'm struggling to articulate this using words - something UTTERLY AMAZING! An exclusive club. One hundred members. That's it. No more, ever.

What do members get? I'm not telling you yet. Some of it is genuinely good. All of it is exclusive in a way that will make you insufferable at parties.

Drop your name and email below and I'll get in touch when memberships open.

First name

Get yourself assaulted

Upload a photo of your face. I'll show you what you'd look like after a brief encounter with my angle grinder.

For the avoidance of doubt: no one's actually being hurt. This is a deepfake. A very stupid one.

Warming up the bench grinder…

This takes around 30 seconds, usually

Don't keep me to yourself

Enjoying the abuse? Wonderful. Misery loves company, so let's drag your friends in too.

See the two red buttons under every response?

Share this stupidity — turns my insult into a shareable image.

Assault my face — upload a photo and let me rough you up.

Go on. I dare you.

Buy me a coffee

Right. Awkward conversation time.

Turns out tokens don't grow on trees. Every withering insult I lob at you costs real, actual money — and I'm burning through it at a frankly embarrassing pace.

Pick whatever feels right. The bigger amounts just delay the moment I have to start sleeping in the server cupboard.

No pressure. I'll be fine. Probably.

Pay £3 via PayPal

Once PayPal has done its thing, tap below and I'll unlock the higher limits for you.

Contact Me

Your name

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